Unbeknownst to me, my mood level has been severally low. Well, okay I kinda knew, but did not want to admit it to me or anyone else. My dear friend sat me down today and she stated she 'missed me'.....Well, how can that be? We see each other every other day!
Apparently, the ME she has seen has been the slow, dragging, who gives a shit, ME. Yeah, that ME is quite boring and I do not much care for her either.
But, I mean come on....at least when I am that ME, I am not spreading myself thin...volunteering for every event in my area, having a relationship with my husband, having fun with my cute kiddos, cleaning the house, showering, eating a vegetable. Yeah, now that I am actually voicing these thing out loud...I have been pretty low for quite a long time...since October!
So long story short...I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar in 2006. Very mild form, I personally thought I was just a little stressed. My OBGYN (who knew me very well) said I was just a little stressed...Two kids under two...that could make anyone manic! Then to top it off I was fighting off a hysterectomy. I'll get into the health issues some other time....
So for two years, I stayed level, on my meds and thought life was fair. Last year, after the hysterectomy I got off all meds and stayed off...Life was still fair. I trodded along and thought "See, I was never Bi-Polar!"
I first noticed being slightly depressed in October, my daughter had a tonselectomy that went badly, you name she had it...missed the whole month of school! So, I chalked that up to just being stressed, who wouldn't be!!!
Then, I feel out of love with one of my pet projects...something I fought for tooth and nail....something that I was great at and LOVED to devote my time and energy to.....My thought was that I am just toooooo busy with my family, do not have the energy to give it anymore.
Then, today, I noticed that EVERYTHING was too time comsuming, everyone took too much time, too much energy, too much trouble.
So, Now here I am, writting this all down...........gonna keep a record of my journey to the happy side of depression. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow at 9am....I am having blood work, and I have my list of items to talk about.
I want anyone who is out there to know that they are not alone. You do not have to sit in the corner of your mind feeling defeated anymore!! We will do this together.....along the way you will read all about my kids, our life, and what makes life better for me!
Hope you enjoy,
HappyTexasMommy
Connor loves his crib
22 minutes ago
3 Moody Thoughts:
Good luck to you in launching your blog & getting well! Brava to you for having the guts to talk about it. I think many women suffer in silence, and hopefully sharing your story will be encouraging to them to get help and see the other side.
Thanks...I often felt ashamed for my feelings...now I know that I am loved even if I am not Betty Crocker Mom of the year....
You know, I much feel like you describe. With me I am going, going, going, volunteering, working from home, taking care of 3 kids, over-committing to the max, and for me when I stop, or if slow down, I do not know how to be inside my own head it seems, since I am constantly going I am not sure I ever had to be with just me, I do not deal with it to well. Not sure if it is similar with you, but I feel like I get what you are saying.
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